Question 1:
a. in the second paragraph, I want to be convincing that the other students will learn from my experiences , but I’m no sure if I have done it . I worked with a clinical psychologist to interview mental patients in New Jersey. Those patients all came from disadvantaged backgrounds. I want to emphasize on helping the minority/disadvantaged patients.
b. The third paragraph, I mentioned I would love to improve the diversity of medical school. But how to address that the society will benefit from having doctors from disadvantaged backgrounds in the end? Also, did I over use words like “disadvantage” and “diversity “?
Questions 2:
a. First paragraph: Can you make the descriptions between being empathetic and react quickly to emergencies sound more smooth?
b. Third paragraph: I don’t end up well describing being thorough, why it’s important in a physician. Can you adjust that?
Questions 3:
a. the question is asking to provide a picture of myself and family, did it answer the question? Do you have any other suggestions?
b. Second paragraph: I have been involved in many extracurricular activities, such served as chief editor for school’s newspaper in high school and finished my EMT training courses in college. Do these events help provide a picture of myself, and how do I implement it here?
c. Last paragraph: I feel that I don’t have an ending to this essay. Can you put an ending to it?
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