The point you’re trying to use as your argument is far too general, and as a result, your body paragraphs deliver facts with little analysis and no clear explanation of how they connect or how they’re relevant to the main idea of the essay. This is going to require substantial revision for the portfolio to incorporate a stronger argumentative and analytical framework. You should start by narrowing your focus to help you argue something more specific, then you should move on to trying to give more specific and more well-developed support and make sure you follow it up with analysis.
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